Pirates and other moral dilemmas

Pirates and other moral dilemmas

Yesterday I had a call from my oldest grandson, a 13 year old who like most of his peers is very very busy with school, sports, religious school, friends, and lots of homework.

I don’t get many of these spontaneous calls from him anymore. I miss the good old days -- watching his eyes light up as he entered Home Depot for the first time, for example. That Sunday afternoon, when he was 3, he was instantly awestruck, asking me, in a hushed tone usually reserved for spiritual awakenings, “Grandma, why do people love tools?” I struggled with some answer or other, not equal to the passion behind the question.

His questions have always seemed remarkable (remember, he is the first grandchild — a walking miracle). The most memorable one he asked at 4, while playing with toy soldiers on my office floor, then suddenly pointing to the “patients’ chair”: “Is that where the people who come to talk to you sit?” “Yes,” I said, asking if he would like to try it. Legs dangling, he asked, truly puzzled, “What do they talk about?” I said they talk about their worries.

“What do they worry about?” he struggled to make sense of this strange occupation of mine; when all at once, he had the answer. “I know. They worry about pirates.” Of course: pirates; there was something to worry about.

Now that he is a young teen, fantastic fears have given way to wondering about the real world, especially what’s right and what’s not and why not. He began yesterday’s phone call by describing the fun he had at a hockey game he had attended with his brother and their dad. His team won, and then the icing on the cake: the next day’s TV sports report showed the three of them in the audience at an exciting moment. That was a reason worthy of calling me. And it led to his talking about some of the current ethical dilemmas in professional sports.

"Grandma, did you see Andy Pettite talking about using steroids? What do you think about Andy? Do you still like him? What about Roger Clemens?” (We are both avid Yankee fans). He really cared about my answers, probing with more follow-up questions. “Why do you forgive Andy, but not Roger?”

“It just seems to me that Andy has paid for his mistake by acknowledging it to the whole world; and you know he hates being put in the media spotlight.”

“Yeah, I know that about Andy. But what about Roger?”

“It seems as if Roger tried to cover up his mistake with lies and got caught, but never could say he was wrong.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” I could hear the energy consumed by a young man, thinking, concentrating as fully as he had when he figured out that pirates were the source of burdening worries. These days, though, it’s more difficult for me to know how I am doing. I walk away wondering if I met the challenge of his eagerness to make sense of it all.

February 26, 2008

Comments

[Tom Fraley]

This has nothing to do with the blog. I have been searching, without success, for an article you wrote entitled "Between Teacher & Parent: Helping the Child Who will not Join the Group"

Can you help with this please. I have some issues with my 5 year old Daughter and I am looking for answers.

Thank you,
Tom Fraley
Rocheser, NY